Recurring Challenge

 

I don’t remember the details but I do recall that way back, in middle school perhaps, I made the decision to terminate a friendship when it became clear that the other party was racist. I remember even less about what it was that revealed to me that there were elements of racism, and later sexism within myself, hidden in my fundamental assumptions about the world, but it was probably around the same time. Then began the extended process of trying to recognize those assumptions and rid myself of them. It was a quest I’d thought long complete, yet all these years later I discover that prejudice still lurks within.

I was delivering to a construction site. I pulled up along the curb with my flashers on to seek directions. A gang of “Mexicans” conferred in Spanish, then their spokesman said to go around the block and enter from the far corner of the site. As I was returning to the truck a white guy came striding up asking me what I had. He then told me to enter from the first drive, rather than the last.

I had to “buttonhole” the turn, once traffic permitted, so it wan’t until I was committed that I noticed the sign that said, “No construction traffic.” Like I say, I was committed to the turn with a line of impatient cars behind me, and it was where I was told to go.

”Who told you that?”

I didn’t know, “Some White guy wearing a hard hat.”

I ended up having to back out onto the street and enter from the last drive where the Mexicans had originally directed me. I could easily say that whereas the Mexicans had to confer amongst themselves the White guy seemed sure of himself and full of authority, but to be honest, and without honesty the project is doomed beforehand, it was the country of origin that swayed me (actually I'm being harsh on myself here).

So there’s that, but that’s not what I wanted to talk about. Fifteen years ago I’d never have thought that one day I would count Conservatives amongst my friends. It’s not that politics is never a topic of discussion, it’s that we agree to disagree, and for my part my views have evolved. I still firmly believe that our strength is within the people, not the elite, and that austerity will kill. At the same time I can’t get with the Libertarians because neither the people nor the elite, especially the elite, will police themselves; while as much as they may be necessary I fundamentally distrust the Police. That leaves me with the pipe dream that someday we will understand dark energy and not need the police, and to vote Democratic, hoping for a viable Green.

Well that’s a mouthful, but still not what I wanted to talk about. I have some friends, a couple, who I love and for whom I would easily give up my comfort and possibly even risk my life. They are conservative. It’s even known that they’re racist; there was something about Obama’s middle name that I answered, “That’s not an opinion, that's a prejudice,” and then changed the subject. I have more than enough evidence to know that they are good people, and my friends, but something happened that troubled me enough to write this.

It was nothing that they did. It’s what they didn’t do. A guy came into the bar and settled back in our corner. I personally didn’t like him from the start, just something about him, but it became clear that he was a near neighbor of my Friends’ over in Ellettesville, and they shared common interests in cars, guns and smoked meat. Hoosiers, in a word.

So this new guy, one who I predict hasn’t a chance in hell of being accepted as a regular is telling a story about the enormous chickens he had smoking out back when of all things three “nigger” women showed up, searching for a hand out no doubt. I wasn’t in the conversation but I heard it and noticed that neither of my friends batted an eyelash.

I won’t terminate this relationship, like that earlier, nascent one. My views have evolved. But I must say something, which I certainly will, believing that it will only strengthen our bond. Does anybody have any ideas on what Dark Energy is? It sounds extra dimensional to me.

 

So what about Picasso?

 

The show was mostly prints; etchings, lithographs, and a few lino prints. There were some paintings and some sculptures, including a mock up for the Daley Center Plaza piece, which I liked a lot better than the actual sculpture.

It was organized chronologically. One thing that I noticed was how cubism was bursting at the seams before it happened.

But the real story were the prints.

I didn't see a mark, or an area of tint that seemed contrived, let alone labored. Everything seemed offhand, casual, yet nothing missed its target; its mark. Picasso had a graphic language exemplar; a mark for every occasion, regardless of the subject or the medium.

It's interesting; I attempted to take a picture of that famous etching of the little girl holding a candle to the Minotaur and a man escaping up a ladder. My camera has auto focus. It tried to focus on multiple parts of the picture but never achieved clarity. Was the camera confused by the flattened space? More likely it was operator error.

 

 

An Observation on the Train

 

I was up in Chicago visiting Shoshana last weekend. They no longer live in Wriggleyville, unfortunately, but way up north on the border between the City and Evanston. They still live near the Red Line though. In fact you can see the switching yards at the end of the Red Line from their apartment.

We went to see the Picasso show at the Art Institute on Friday. We took the train in. It was early mid-morning and rush hour was finished that far north. There were only a few other passengers in the car we boarded. One was a woman of early middle age seated diagonally across from me in a seat facing the opposite direction, so that I had a good view of her.

She was plain, but attractive. At some point I noticed that she had a compact in her hand and was fussing with her make up.

It was a seemingly interminable ride. I'm not sure what the difference is between public transport in New York and Chicago, but in the former city you feel like you're getting somewhere, even on the local, while in Chicago the ride just goes on and on. As we got closer to the city center the car began to fill; the woman across from me continued to do her makeup as we went.

By the time we went underground she was finished. She seemed well satisfied and it appeared to me that she'd done a good job in her compact mirror on a moving train. She wasn't plain anymore; only I thought she was more attractive without her mask. Armor, that's what it seemed to me; a defensive cosmetic barrier against sexism, jealousy and feelings of inadequacy.

But I was only a people watcher, unaware of whatever else...

 

Questions

 

Maybe it's not the speed of light. Maybe it's another modality, like the rate that dark matter decays.

I'd once read that if you travel the speed of light you could be everywhere in the universe at once. That means every when too, right? There is, after all, only now.

But that doesn't make sense. It still takes time for light to travel. Or does it?

So the reason we don't have single payer health care, like the rest of the Civilized World is that during the great recession it didn't make sense to put all those people working for the devil out of work? I agreed at the time but I'm having second thoughts.

How 'bout the Military? Who they all working for?

The easy answer is the American Taxpayer, and Military personel in turn pay taxes, but ask the women and children of North Waziristan. Have they even heard of due process?

 

Footsore and Shoeless

 

It was a rude awakening earlier this year when I stepped into a puddle of water in my GorTex® lined boots and my foot got wet. It was the start of the end. The uppers were actually sewn into the soles so the shoes might have been saved, but the waterproof membrane had already been breached. Then just leave it to me to jump right on the situation. I made them last as long as I could. They weren't flopping yet, but were coming undone on both sides from the instep to damn near the toe.

Someone suggested I could get more use out of them if I duct tapped the sole to the upper once the last threads let go. Only I've done that before. What does a poor boy do? He put cardboard in his shoe. The duct tape wears through quickly. You need to carry a roll.

The deciding factor was when I realized that my recent back problems were attributable to the shoes. So, to make long story short; I got myself a fine pair of new boots. Not cheap either, that don't make no sense. That last pair gave good service for a decade. I'm not sure these will last as long wearing them everyday for work, but I won't be gong back for another pair in a couple of years, and it was the only pair that advertised a waterproof membrane, though without a brand name, rather than the simple unqualified claim of "Waterproof."

I do have some pictures for you. I do have something more to say. Please be patient.

 

 

 

Nowhere Like Home

I found a penny, heads up. Good luck! Does that mean that I'll get to go into work or stay home? These are the lean times and I need the work, but I'd still rather stay home. I'm turning into a hermit. I never want to leave the house. I like it here, humble as it may be.

Touch Base

 

I don't claim to have a blog anymore. Every time that I've told someone about this recently I never heard from them again. So then I go back and review what I'd written "lately" and I realize it's all crap. I just can't win friends and influence people this way anymore, as I once did.

Let it be a testimony to my demise.

So let's review, let's look at that last post, Epic Nightmare. It was a nightmare. I talked to John. He didn't refuse it. They had him do the first run because he'd done the gig before, he knew the ropes. It was intended for me all along. That's cool, so let's get to the nightmare part.

Did I mention it was a landfill? I can't recall ever having had an olfactory dream until after playing around on the top of Vigo county, and it was very specific. But that's just troubled sleep.

What is a landfill? Trash (with garbage) and dirt, fresh dirt. John's parting words of advice were, "Pray it doesn't rain."

It was a sloppy mess in dry conditions. Three days in there was precipitation. It was a constant drizzle on the way over to Terre Haute, punctuated by intense but brief downpours. The loader at Certainteed said that he'd dodged one of those to get my load strapped down. I told him how it was and said that if it came a downpour I was going to sit it out in the truck. We agreed that would be the best idea.

The next time that I saw him he was telling me how he'd been caught in a squall. I had to admit I'd been caught with my pants down too. I mean, there I was trying to unstrap the load when the storm hit, with the lift driver waiting, temps near freezing and the wind screaming like you're on Hoosier Hill or something. Yeah, it was hell, and come to find out that I'd left the door to my cab open, now my seat was wet.

Then there are the niceties of the predicament like trying ever so hard to throw the straps so that they'd land on top of the load, but having the wind carry them straight into the mud. And what about when temperatures went below freezing, which they surely did, and you had do deal with those mud laden frozen straps with your fingers screaming to be cut off?

It's all in a day's work.

There's no way I could convey all the ways in which that job sucked, but now we come to the reason for this post: I have a couple of friends who have mid level management positions over at Cook. They've been trying to recruit me. Sure I'd start out impoverished but I'd have insurance and get a raise every six months. Why, I'd be simply poor in no time at all and eventually I'd be middle class.

It sounds great, once I got through the introductory period. We don't need to hire Mexicans to do this stuff, we got Hoosiers. But I could make do, I know how. Only I couldn't imagine myself going to the same building every day to go to work, even if my tasks got progressively harder.

When again would I get to see the curve of the Earth in Indiana without travelling to the big lake, or be able to observe the scavenger habits of sea gulls and crows and their less than admirable interactions, or the joy of revving my engine into life and watching them all scatter hither yon by appointed principle?

Yeah, it was hell to go through, but novelty is worthwhile as well as the satisfaction in doing a job well done, and in the respect one gets from doing so.

I wanted to win the lottery and asked the I Ching why I didn't. In clear, unambiguous language it said that there was much more to be gleaned from life than could be gained from the luxury that wealth could offer.

I'm still going to buy a ticket someday, I'm sure.